“…Voice mail recording. 1 New Message…New Message from: ‘BIIIG DADDDY KEYES, BITCH!’ …30 seconds…’Inspector, it’s me Alan. Alan Keyes…ha! I’m drunk at a Sonny’s BBQ in Dallas! I’m gonna be late for our interview tomorrow, but meet me at the Gymboree in Roswell Thursday at 9! Oh and Inspector, inspect this (farts into the phone)!….end of messages.”
Inspector G: “Honestly I can’t seem to figure out why we meet in these places. I feel uncomfortable here especially. Gymboree? You’re an odd man. AND you were drunk last night.”
Keyes: “Yes, I was. I wanna give a huge shout out to Belinda Dobbs and the whole crew at Sonny’s BBQ in Dallas for setting me up nicely and not calling the cops when I puked in the salad bar. But, moving on…
The dawgs have a tough test this week. So many variables. So many possible pitfalls. Yet so much opportunity to have their first beat-down of a team all year. Yep, you heard me right. If some cards fall early for the dawgs and they control the turnovers on offense, I think they are poised for a rout of the Tennessee Volunteers Road-side workers.
Let’s start with the offense. This group has not been stellar, but has been efficient. Lately, points have come early yet efficiently. I know everyone is worried about Murray and the turnovers, but he still is 17th nationally in passer efficiency and is on pace to throw more touchdowns than last year. I know the turnovers hurt, but all you can really do is trust one of the best QB’s in the Nation to lead the offense down the field. Also, it is just a matter of time until Crowell starts breaking them off: 30+ yards TD runs. He was super close last week and honestly, with that much talent and the amount of carries he has been getting, you shouldn’t be surprised. UGA’s offense is much better than UT’s defense. Scores SHOULD come often.
Defense, well, here is the biggest key lies. Yes, they have been playing lights out the past tow weeks, but the threat level midnight of this UT offense is much greater with Bray and Da’Rick than what the dawgs have faced since Boise. With that being said, the defense has been tested and has so far come away much improved, disciplined, and more solid from last year. Grantham has been getting pressure without having to dial-up exotic blitzes which has left our secondary to really cover without being undermanned. Washington being out does hurt. But hey, when a door closes….welcome to the show, Ray Drew. I really can’t say enough about the improved secondary play and I’m really interested to see how Commings, Boykin, Rambo, Smith, and Williams do against Tennessee’s all-world mildly overrated receiving corps. If they can cover well, get a couple of early picks, count this game up to a circa 2005 style beat-down. If not, I hope the offense can play enough mistake-free ball to put it away.
Special Teams: Yeah, Walsh (again) still seems to have the shanks, but I’ll bet he might have received some tips from ol’ Kevin Butler. Let’s see if he can pull out of it. Speaking of Kevin, his son continues to punt with great effectiveness and it will be called upon again this game to continue. One more thing: Boykin is due. He has been several shoe string tackles away from breaking several. Here’s to the hope that they kick it to him.
Ok, now it’s time to go play in the ball pit!”
Inspector G: “Well at least I didn’t have to remind you about what this interview was about this time.”
Keyes: “Ok, who farted? Was it you?”
*Note: My one wish in the game (besides a victory) is to see Da’rick Rogers come over on a crossing route, catch it, be devastatingly hit by Rambo to which the ball comes loose, and Sanders Commings picking it into that checked bullshit end-zone.
-Inspector G